Daring to be myself

Wearing the hijab and declaring my identity as a Muslim was full of hesitation, and fear of judgment and rejection. All I wanted was to belong...

In 2008, I left my home country, Pakistan to create a new life in Europe.

Being human, I wanted to fit in and be accepted by the new society I was becoming a part of, and dressing like them seemed like the first natural step to take. I thought appearing in my traditional clothes would make me look conservative, outdated, and most of all - an outsider.

I could never imagine being offered a job or making new friends in my traditional looks. Somehow, I doubted my intelligence and abilities, and most of all I doubted my faith, thinking that following my beliefs would be a hurdle in the path of my worldly success.

However, all this time, I felt like an imposter - pretending to be someone I was not. Hiding my true self from the outside world, and fearful of being found out.

I had the urge to be myself, but at the same time, I was nervous and afraid of the reaction I would get if I changed my appearance. Because in today’s world to declare yourself openly as a Muslim is not an easy task. It requires courage.

The fear of judgment and rejection held me back.

• How will people perceive me?

• Will they treat me differently?

• What will they ask and how will I answer those questions?

• Will I be strong enough, brave enough?

• Will I feel confident enough in my own skin?

In my heart, I always believed this was the right thing to do, but worldly fears stopped me from making this change. Until one day, when I heard a Muslim speaker I followed say:

“We are scared that if we start becoming more religious, life will get more difficult, but isn’t life already difficult?”

This question spoke out to me and in 2021 I told myself:

‘Whatever may be, whatever may come, I will face it’.

Putting on a hijab is a part of my faith, but for me, this act meant openly accepting and announcing my true identity to the world.

And I was lucky, because I received an overwhelmingly positive response to this change.

My Muslim friends started congratulating me, saying how proud they were of me and wishing that they could take the same step.

Random Muslims in the street started greeting me with Salam instead of just passing by silently or saying a ‘Hi’ or ‘Hello’.

It was then that I realized that all this time I was trying to fit in the wrong place. By embracing my hijab I started belonging to the Muslim community of the entire world.

As for my non-Muslim friends and co-workers, some were completely silent over the change, like nothing happened. Their behaviour towards me didn’t alter, which was comforting of course, because I was still the same person.

Others did ask questions, like:

‘Were you forced to do it?’ or

‘Don’t you think it's unfair?’

I learned that it was just about speaking your own truth, without expecting others to agree with you, but to accept and respect you for being you.

Since I started covering my head I feel complete, happy, and more confident. I have my own identity and place in society - whether it is a coveted place or not, it is my place. It is where I belong.

And for me, this is just the first step I have taken to claim my place in this world.

There are still many challenges that I and other Muslim women in the Western society face, and are hesitant to openly address.

Here, we start making the effort to create a more inclusive society for Muslim women.

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Today, on World Hijab Day, I decide to share my story with the world.

Also published on: Daring to Be Myself - World Hijab Day